What I don't want to lose
by Kaneshige Kotoshi
Summary: Ever since Mio had rejected Ritsu, Ritsu has avoided her. Over the years the two become nothing more than strangers to each other. With Azusa and Yui's wedding approaching, Mio realizes that it might just be the last chance she has of telling Ritsu how she really feels.


Hello, this is a rewrite of a fanfic I previously wrote. I made it a challenge for myself to rewrite it. Disclaimer on my profile page.

It was the dead of night, most people should be asleep at this time of night. Yet one girl lay in her bed thinking of such thoughts. She tossed and turned trying to sleep, once again she found that she couldn't sleep. The raven haired girl gave up trying to convince herself to sleep and sat on top of her bed instead. She opened her eyes and once again found tears rolling down her face. It's been five years now Mio, she told herself. If Ritsu really cared, she wouldn't have been still avoiding you.

"It's all Ritsu's fault that we turned out like this." She wanted to tell herself, but she secretly knew that it was her fault alone and not Ritsu's. "This is your fault, Mio. Stop thinking of the past and go to bed. It's an important day for Yui and Azusa tomorrow. Imagine waking up with panda eyes because you didn't sleep last night!" Mio thought to herself. She cringed at the idea of how embarrassing it would be.

"Mhm, I need to sleep now so I can get up bright and early tomorrow. I don't want to look like a zombie tomorrow at their bachelorette tomorrow. Alright! I will go to sleep now!" Mio thought to herself with a smile. Mio finished wiping her tears and went back to sleep. Her mind however did not agree and once again as she dreamt of a distant past.

_**Five years ago, just after graduating from JWU**_

Mio sat on her bed staring at her calendar, it was the week after graduation and Mio had already started working. She stared at the coming up Sunday on her calendar wondering what she could do with Ritsu that day. She was almost certain the energetic drummer would call her to hang out on Sunday anyway.

"Ahh, what should we do? Knowing Ritsu she will probably say let's go eat lunch and not think of anything else to do. Maybe we could all get together instead, the entire group, with Yui and Ui, Mugi, Azusa and Jun. But… I want to spend it alone with Ritsu. The thought of Ritsu made her smile a little more, it made her day a little brighter and her cheeks a little redder.

The sound of her phone going off brought Mio back to reality.

"Moshi moshi?", Mio answered the phone

"Mio? It's Ritsu, are you busy? Want to meet up and hang out for a bit?"

"Sure, Where?"

"How about that the burger joint close by?"

"Alright, see you there soon then"

Mio hung up and left for the close by burger joint. When she got there she saw Ritsu was already seated with food. As Ritsu saw her, she quickly waved to Mio to tell her to come to where she was.

"Miooo, I got food for you as well, this is yours" she said as she handed Mio a box of fries and a burger.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Asked the raven haired girl as she sat down at Ritsu's table.

"How did you know there was something I wanted to talk about?" Ritsu asked, surprised.

"You aren't my best friend for nothing you know" Mio replied.

"Mio, How long have we known each other now? Ten years? Or maybe 15 years?"

"15 I think, why?" Asked Mio

Ritsu just smiled at Mio instead. "You know how we all moved back home recently, mom found all the childhood albums of us while cleaning up my closet since they turned it into a storage while I was away."

Mio on the other hand wanted to hide away, child hood pictures were so embarrassing, but it was a day with Ritsu and she wouldn't have to think of something for them to do. "Ehh, okay I'll come over on Sunday, I'll bring mine too." Mio answered with a smile.

**Sunday**

The two sat in Ritsu's room flipping through their old albums and laughing at how they used to be.

"Ne ne, Mio, do you remember our first year of middle school? We had some left over fabric from the costumes so I convinced some of the girls to make you a maid outfit with the left over things and then they forced you to wear it the entire day?" Ritsu suddenly said

"No!... No, please tell me you don't have a picture from that time Ritsu!" Mio yelled

"It's right here, Mio. I'm definitely not giving it to you. It needs to be remembered, the cutest maid in the world was Akiyama Mi- OW!" Ritsu grabbed her head. "That hurt, Mio, that was mean" Ritsu rolled around on the floor pretending to whine.

"Come to think of it… I think that was when I started to hit you when you got carried away.." Mio suddenly said.

"Why did you start hitting me anyway?" Ritsu asked as she sat up.

"Just whose fault do you think it was that I had to go through something so terribly embarrassing?" Growled Mio in a menacing voice.

Ritsu quietly laughed at the comment from Mio. "But you know Mio, you've really changed. You're not as shy as you used to be, and you're so tall and beautiful now."

"But Ritsu, you don't seem to have changed at all" Replied Mio.

"I've changed a lot since then too!" Ritsu exclaimed.

Mio smiled as Ritsu tried to argue her point that she too had changed. She knew that Ritsu had changed over the years too. Ritsu became more reliable, more dependable and more attractive. Though Mio wasn't sure anymore if it was because the way she saw Ritsu had changed or if it was because Ritsu had really grown up without her realizing.

"Mio~ Mio~ Earth to Mio-chan. Are you still here?" the sound of Ritsu's voice and her poking got Mio's attention. "Let's go and get dinner. We don't really have a lot of food here today so I'll treat at the burger joint okay?" Ritsu proposed while already getting ready to leave.

"You know we've been eating here pretty often since we came back. This is the second time we ate here this week." Mio said as they sat down with their food.

"Some things just don't change" Replied Ritsu with her trademark grin. But her grin slowly faded until all that was left was a sad smile on her face. "But I guess, eventually things do change after all."

"Ritsu, is there something you're trying to say?" Mio got a really bad feeling in her stomach.

"You know, you went from being a girl in my class that was really interesting, to being the girl I liked scaring to get attention from. From there you became my best friend, my first crush, and my first love." Ritsu said in a quiet voice.

Mio could see that Ritsu was blushing heavily by now, but even then she looked straight into Mio's eyes, as if trying to communicate with her using eye contact.

"I guess this is where we decide if our paths spilt or not. We aren't in the same field so the time we can spend together will be significantly less than how it's always been. Especially since we've graduated now. I know if I don't tell you now. I don't know if I ever will. I love you, and I know it's sudden and all, so I won't bother you for an answer immediately. But please think about it seriously."

Mio had never seen Ritsu so serious before. This was the outgoing carefree girl, Ritsu that she had always beside her. Sure Ritsu did a lot to bother and scare Mio, but in the end Ritsu is Ritsu, her idiot Ritsu. Mio wanted to say yes, she wanted to smile, and to jump up and down telling Ritsu how she felt but she didn't. Instead she didn't react, something told her it wasn't a good idea. A thousand what if's filled her head and instead she became scared. How would everyone react to this? Would their parents accept them? What if they separated them by force? Even worse, what if they broke up? Would their friendship survive? Was it really worth it to give up before anything started? Mio didn't say anything, she looked away from Ritsu.

"I'm sorry Ritsu, I'm think mayb—"

Mio stopped her sentence as soon as she looked at Ritsu. She could see the hurt in Ritsu's eyes and she couldn't finish her sentence.

Now it was Ritsu's turn to look away. There were tears in her eyes but she smiled back at Mio anyway. It broke Mio's heart to see Ritsu like this, and knowing that she was the one causing it made it even worse on her.

"It really isn't possible after all huh? Don't worry about it. I was just joking – uh I forgot I had to get something for Satoshi so I need to go now, see ya around Mio"

"Ritsu!", It was too late, Ritsu had already bolted off ignoring Mio altogether.

**Five months later**

Mio walked into her room, her lights stayed off and she just flopped onto her futon. She was too tired and too upset to do anything. It was the first time in well over a month that Mio had heard Ritsu's voice never mind see her. Ritsu didn't seem as energetic as she used to be. Her smile wasn't as bright as Mio remembered and Mio was almost certain that it was no accident that Ritsu always managed to sit the furthest away from her.

"This has to stop." Mio cried to herself. "I need to let go of you. I will let go of you. I am letting go of you" Mio mumbled to herself. "I need to let go of you. I will let go of you. I am letting go of you." She kept repeating to herself. "It's better of this way. This is the best for us after all" she kept reminding herself as she cried herself to sleep.

Ritsu slowly faded out of her life, at first they would still talk on the phone, but after a while, Ritsu didn't even have time for that anymore. She only came to celebrate birthdays and even then she wouldn't stay very long or she would only come to drop off a present and say hi. In the five years since the incident, Mio could probably count the number of times they had talked. The last time being well over a year ago.

**Present time**

The girl in the bed jostled and turned again in her restless sleep. Her pillow soaked with her tears as she mumbled to herself.

"I need to let go of you. I will let go of you. I… can't let go of you" she mumbled.

"I… I CAN'T LET GO OF YOU" she suddenly screamed. Mio jolted awake with her right arm in the air as if she was grabbing for something. She immediately noticed her pillow was wet. Her thoughts wandered back to her last memory of Ritsu. Mio sat up and looked at her hand. It was in the same position as it was all those years ago when Ritsu ran from the burger shop.

"Maybe some things weren't meant to change after all" Mio said to herself.

I need to talk to Ritsu today. This doesn't need to be stopped, this needs to be changed. Mio decided that she would change it. It was obvious by now to Mio, it wouldn't matter if their families didn't approve of them being together or not. Ritsu was very obviously the most important person to her.

Noticing it was almost time to get out of bed anyway; Mio hurried to get ready and met up with Azusa and Yui at the party. She knew that a certain someone had promised to show up today and she definitely wouldn't only drop by. Mio knew that this might be the last chance until however long that she could see Ritsu again. She knew that if she didn't do this now, she might as well live the rest of her life regretting this.

"Mio-chan", the voice belonged to Hirasawa Yui, "Over here", Yui waved at her.

"Yui, Azusa, congratulations on your marriage" Mio said as she looked around to find a certain brown haired girl.

"Thank you~" Yui answered in her normal happy voice.

"It's nice to see you again Mio-senpai, it's been so long since we've been together as a group. Mugi senpai is arriving a bit late since she her flight was delayed but Ritsu-senpai already arrived" said Azusa, answering both Mio's questions without her asking.

"If you're looking for Ricchan, she's outside. She said she wanted some air before the party officially started" Yui said as she pointed towards the back door.

Mio practically ran out the door wanting to see Ritsu, but to her disappointment she couldn't find Ritsu when she went outside. She looked around yet there was no trace that the ochre haired girl had been there. She was too tired to pretend to look happy, she just wanted to see Ritsu again.

Suddenly, it was black and she felt someone was restraining her, something covered her eyes.

Is this a robbery? Am I going to die? Thoughts ran through her head as she panicked. Then she heard a familiar voice

"Barnacles"

"Ah!" Mio immediately curled up into a ball and started to cry.

"What's wrong? You seem upset or something" said Ritsu after Mio had calmed down.

"You know it scares me, why would you do something like that? Idiot Ritsu" Before she even thought about it her fist connected with Ritsu's head

"Ow" Ritsu groaned in pain.

And just like that, it was as if the incident had never happened. They talked as if nothing happened, sharing how they were doing now, what jobs they were doing now and what lives they were living. Till Ritsu brought up why Mio looked so upset again.

"You seem to be living a fairly good life, so why did you look so sad? Was it because you didn't want to see me? If that's the case, then I'll leave" Ritsu said

"No, no that's not what I want at all. Ritsu I need to talk to you"

"Mio, it's okay I shouldn't have run off and tried avoiding you, but being around you was just so painful. It's okay; you already gave me your answer. I don-"

"But I do Ritsu. I'm so sorry Ritsu. I shouldn't have rejected you. I shouldn't have answered you without thinking it through first. I shouldn't have given up on us without giving us a chance. I was so scared Ritsu. So scared of what would happen. What would happen if our parents were against it? Would they tear us apart? What if others didn't accept us, what if we ruined our lives by being together? Or what if we broke up. I couldn't bear the thought of not having you in my life anymore. And yet when I rejected you because I was too scared to admit that I loved you. I also lost you in my life. I have missed you so much Ritsu. I love you so, so much." Mio was in tears as she continued to ramble about her fears to her best friend –the person she was in love with.

"Over these five years I've realized that I don't care about these fears anymore. If one of our parents, or both of our parents disown us or kick us out, it won't matter because you are the one that means the most to me. We could move in together. As long as we are together it will be okay. I won't let us break apart and I know you won't either and if anything, even after these past five years where we acted like we didn't know each other. We can still joke about things from the past, I know our friend ship will last even if we do fall apart, I just hope that we won't." Mio poured out her heart to Ritsu. Everything that she wanted to say to Ritsu for the past five years just came pouring out. Tears flowed and both Mio's and Ritsu's sobs were heard.

"Ritsu, I want my best friend back and I want my first love back. I've really missed her within these past few years. I need her back because all this time apart from her, I finally realized what she meant to me. I'm completely in love with her and I don't want her to let me go. So please Ritsu. Do you think you can forgive me and give me another chance?"

A bold kiss answered Mio's question. Ritsu drew back after the kiss and said

"I've missed you too, Mio"

The two smiled to each other and dried up their tears. They continued to look outside for a while until Mugi came out back to tell them that they were missed.

The looks on their faces said everything to everyone. The argument that they had for so long was finally over.

A/N : So what do you think? It is inspired by a song I was listening to. Reviews or criticism would be greatly appreciated as both will help me grow as a writer.


End file.
